“Mom, I don’t want you and Dad to die.”
That single sentence told me it would be a long night. Bedtime is when the lights go down and the house gets quiet — and when a child’s worries can grow loudest.
I took a breath, sat on the edge of his bed, and tried to soothe him. We usually start with slow, steady breathing: in through the nose, out through the mouth. Then I try to redirect his attention to something pleasant to pull him away from whatever worry has taken hold.
Tonight was different. As soon as I sat down, his breathing sped up and he began to cry in panic. He couldn’t stop imagining how hurt he would be if something happened to us. That thought had grabbed him and wouldn’t let go.
Simple distractions and talking about his birthday weren’t going to work.
It broke my heart to watch him like that. As a parent who has lived with anxiety for decades, I immediately understood how overwhelming and real those fears feel to a child.
There we were in the dark, the ceiling dotted with tiny projected stars. I held him and told him I was there, that he was safe, and that it was okay. Then, almost on instinct, I switched tactics.
“Buddy, what’s 9 + 5?”
“Umm… umm…” he sniffled, wiped his eyes, and answered, “14?”
“Yes.” I smiled and asked another question.
And another.
But I made sure each question required thinking — not something he would recite from memory. They had to be problems his brain needed to work on.
When someone is panicking, they’re in fight-or-flight mode. The emotional centers of the brain are in charge and rational thought becomes hard to reach. I’m not a doctor, but I know enough about anxiety to recognize that the goal is to bring the thinking part of the brain back online.
For myself I use simple grounding and cognitive techniques: naming objects, counting sides, describing colors and textures, or holding an object and describing what I feel. These activities help the logical part of the brain re-engage.
With a six-year-old it needs to be tailored to his level. The approach that worked best for us was asking math questions — not too easy, not too hard — just tricky enough to demand attention and problem solving.
Why math helps
Math problems require focused, sequential thinking. When a child concentrates on calculating an answer, their brain shifts out of an emotional spiral and into a more deliberate mode. The breathing slows, the panic begins to fade, and they reclaim control. The key is choosing questions that match your child’s abilities so they feel successful, not frustrated.
I don’t have a fixed number of questions I ask; I keep going until I can see him relax, his breathing steadies, and his tears ease. After a few minutes he was calmer, able to breathe deeply again, and we could talk about what had scared him. That night left me sad for his pain but hopeful that I’d learned a new, effective tool.
Teaching kids how to self-soothe matters. When we practice these moments with them, we give them skills they can use when we aren’t in the room. Small strategies like grounding, breathing, and age-appropriate problem solving can make a big difference in the middle of a panic episode.
Anxiety and panic attacks are challenging, and every technique that helps deserves a try. For parents seeking more guidance, look for resources created by child therapists that focus on cognitive-behavioral strategies and practical tools for families. Workbooks and interactive books designed for children can help them learn skills step by step.
A helpful workbook I’ve seen recommended is What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety. It’s written to guide children and parents through cognitive-behavioral techniques in a practical, engaging way.
Another gentle tool many families use is a “worry eater” plush toy that invites children to write or draw their worries and place them inside the toy. The ritual of externalizing a worry can be very calming for some kids and gives them a tangible way to let go of anxieties.
Parenting an anxious child can feel overwhelming, but small, consistent strategies build resilience. Practice breathing, grounding, and simple problem-solving in calm moments so those skills become automatic when anxiety strikes. If worries persist or worsen, seek guidance from a qualified child therapist who can tailor approaches to your child’s needs.